NLCS Game One Notes

Remember prediction: 5-1 Dodgers

Actual game= 8-6 Phillies

Well, I got game one wrong. Or did I?

Yes, I called for a Dodgers victory over Mr. Cole Hamels. Yes, I figured that Clayton “weird beard” Kershaw would shut the Phillies offense down. Both things did not happen. Here is what did happen.

Cole Hamels looked terrible. His mechanics were off. His location couldn’t have been corrected if he was using Google maps to find the strike zone. The majority of strikes he threw were foul balls and he walked the damn pitcher. What in the hell is Rich Dubee telling this guy? I imagine Dubee has suggested to Cole that if he flips his hair as dreamily as possible the other team will be in such a state of awe that they will swing and miss at anything. Hamels is a bum. Dubee is a bum. If Jamie Moyer cannot pitch again following the torn tendons and subsequent blood infection, let’s hope that someone with a little more know-how than flipping a coin and hoping for the best fires Dubee and names Moyer pitching coach for the last year on his contract.

So, what saved the Phillies last night from the Hamels hole?

Ryan Howard, Chooch Ruiz and Rauuuuuuuuuul Ibanez did. The bats came alive last night in spectacular fashion. Howard hit the exact same double that led to the demise of the Coors Light Rockies. Ibanez, shaking off his recent Burrell impression in left field nailed the home run that sealed the deal and Carlos Ruiz continued his overachieving October (currently batting .627) and launched a three-run home run that stunned Kershaw so badly his neck beard stood on end.

Chan Ho Park and Brad Lidge did. Park, coming back from injury looked flawless. Lidge, while not perfect, looked strong and in command as he earned the save.

Now, game two is at 4:30 today and I have predicted a Phillies victory, warily though because the goat man is on the mound. Joe Torre, the erstwhile manager of the Dodgers, has elected to start our old friend Padilla tonight so I am confident in a Phils victory, let’s say 10-7.

A couple of final notes about Game One:

1. The TBS broadcasting team is an embarrassment to humanity. I do not want to list the terrible crap they were saying but I’ll leave it at this: Craig Sager’s clown suits were more effective that Chip Caray’s announcing skills. Your dad is rolling in his grave Chip, while still wondering if you would eat the moon if it were made of spareribs.

2. Manny must have taken a least a couple of steroids to get that home run last night. O wait, I forgot, the boy who almost floated away in Colorado yesterday could have landed his balloon (had he been in it) in Dodger Stadium, came to the plate and hit a home run off of Hamels.

3. Hey Cole, throwing your glove in disgust so the camera can see it doesn’t convince me you were upset about your performance, because you weren’t. Don’t even try to tell me different. Dude could care less. Bum. Bum. Bum. Cole Hamels is a bum.

Let’s see what happens in Game Two. Should be interesting.